Escape From Pianosa

I wonder at the motives of people who say that setting a timetable for withdrawal in Iraq will embolden our enemies. I admit that they have a point; leaving now would seem to validate the strategy of the terrorists in Iraq. Certainly the terrorists would perceive it and market it that way.

But what are the alternatives? We could sneak out in the middle of the night, leaving millions of vehicles and weapons. They’d never know what hit them! When questioned, we could play dumb.

“What’s that? Oh yeah, I mean, we just didn’t feel like being there anymore. The hot desert sun and all. No no! Don’t think…oh no, we don’t want you to think we left because of you! Oh gosh no. You terrorists are taking this all wrong! No, we left cus we felt like it. I mean, the soldiers dying every day in Iraq–that was annoying to be sure. But don’t get all full of yourself thinking it was just cus of that. There were lots of other totally non-terrorist reasons.”

Alas, they’d probably see through that–and then they’d have all of our tanks and stuff. So we could just stay “until we win.” And we win when nobody wants to kill Americans. But every day we’re there, more people want to kill Americans. Are you trying to tell me that you never want to leave?

The nice thing about waging war on inanimate objects like drugs or poverties, is that nobody gets hurt. Sometimes when I think about The War on Drugs, I imagine DEA agents surrounding a house, barging through the door, and pointing their assault rifles on little baggies of marijuana or vials of cocaine.

Ridiculous right? Of course it’s ridiculous. The war on drugs isn’t a war on drugs at all; it’s a war on people. People who often find often themselves dead or in jail for the supposed crime of voluntary exchange.

And so language is twisted until it loses its meaning. I wonder how long it is before the anti-immigration movement cooks up some dehumanizing term for immigration. Will it be the war on illegality? How about the the war on border violation? The war on cheap labor? As you can see, I’m no good at this game.

And in this way we can begin another unwinnable war against our fellow humans–in this case Mexicans, Salvadorans, and others who have the extraordinarily bad luck of being born next to, but not within, the most prosperous nation in the history of the world.

Unbelievable:

A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.

Read the rest. Here’s the best line:

“The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another,” Hammond said after reviwing the documents.

I just watched the premiere episode of Flight of the Conchords. It’s an offbeat comedy about two Nw Zealanders transplanted in what looks like New York. Subtle but hilarious. You can watch the first episode for free. Link here.

I saw one of those big utility signs parked along the road this week. The message in big green dots said “water ban this weekend. Friday 6pm until Midnight Sunday.” And I thought to myself ever so smugly that a free market in water would never have this problem. When the supply gets thin, the price goes up. And people decide that maybe watering their lawn isn’t the best use of their hard earned dollars. Water ban averted.

And then I imagine the day that I drive by the hospital and there’s a sign that says “No medical care this weekend, due to overuse.”

Because I’ve heard the argument that medicine is far too important to leave to “the free market.” I agree in one respect; that medicine is important. Far too important not to leave to the free market. When the government runs out of “free” health care, where will you go? They don’t sell it in bottles at Safeway.

Having heard Ali G accuse so many of his detractors of “racialism,” I thought it was just a word made up by Sacha Baron Cohen. Alas, it’s really used in Britain, and there’s no parody here:

“So she explained. The Green Man, she said, prided itself on being the most racialist pub in England. That was her word: racialist. There were other racialist pubs, she said. In fact there were two more in Bury. But none was as consistently racialist as the Green Man. The Green Man, she continued, had never served a colored person.”

That’s from Among the Thugs by Bill Buford, a fascinating read about a reporter who infiltrates a gang of English soccer hooligans. It’s a good way to knock that notion of European civility from your brain, if only temporarily.

Once you watch The Wire, you’re spoiled. On the plane they showed Freedom Writers. What drivel. A movie about an idealistic white woman, inspiring the ignorant blacks and Hispanics. Yes, if only they had better, whiter teachers to teach them about literature and writing!

What’s the lie? That the system is OK. That welfare and housing projects and the drug war (especially the drug war) and socialist government schools haven’t destroyed inner city culture. No, everything’s OK. Nothing some good ivy league inspiration can’t solve, right? Or how about some Scheherazade?

Where to start? God only knows. Shows like The Wire don’t pretend to know. The good intentions of the guilt-ridden have done enough already.

I had an incredibly long travel day coming to Seattle. I thought about telling you but upon further consideration I realized that most stories of the “flight from hell” variety tend to bore royally. My preference is: don’t tell me about your airport ordeal unless it involves sex, an unexpected arrest, or ends in a raft in the Atlantic.

Again from The Introvert Advantage, comes this passage with the author describing herself:

“I’ve never understood why in the world anyone would view me as hiding anything. But as I’ve mentioned, I have been told that I’m mysterious.”

This hit me particularly hard in view of the fact that recently some of my friends have begun calling me “mystery man” because sometimes I don’t tell them things about my life or I seem to disappear. I have to examine things in my head a great deal before I can reveal them to the world, which can lead to some funny conversations.

Me: So I’m trying out for this improv group.

Friend: What? Where did this come from?

Me: Oh you didn’t know? I’ve been taking classes for 6 months now.

The effect is really magnified when it comes to my strange political views or my eccentric dietary habits.

Friend: Who you voting for? Hillary or Obama?

Me: Well, actually, I’m not really excited about either of those choices…

Friend: Really? I thought you were a Democrat.

Me: Well I was… But I changed… About two years ago. I’m actually something called a “libertarian” now.

Friend: Oh god!

Ok so maybe it’s not always about being an introvert. Maybe it’s about social acceptance!

One of the best things about being between careers is that you have some time to experiment and try out new ventures that you otherwise might not have time for.

One of these ventures is a Web TV show we’re creating for Generation whY; the show will discuss social and career-related issues that affect young professionals today.

We don’t have a website yet, but the show’s main sponser is Zoodango.com (”where you connect with young hip urban professionals”), a social networking site created by James Sun of Apprentice fame.

I’m super excited because I’ve spent the past few months working on show ideas and writing scripts with Aaron Altscher, and this weekend we’re flying to Seattle to film the show. More details to come…